A friend was venting about the mixed messages she gets from her adult kids. In one conversation they want more independence, but not a day later they are asking her to float them a loan. It didn't surprise me. I have witnessed the push me pull you of transitions. For two year olds it manifests as "Pick me up! I can't walk this far!" vying with "Put me down! Do it myself!" Then as young teens they demand privacy in their room, until they want you to come in and clean it.

Once I saw a cartoon of a person in bed with the window open, yet they were smothered in blankets. With the fan blasting. And one foot poking out.

Aren't most of us a medley of contradictions?  There was a day in which three people happened to ask how I was, and sincerely wanted to know, yet my answers vacillated like a metronome. Was I being disingenuous? Or are we not easily categorized? 

I remember when one of my kids was peckish before school, and our parting words were barbed. I held on to it all day but when she came home that mood had been updated a dozen times. Now she was awash with anticipation for the weekend. 

One of the factors in letting go of the reins on the people I love is how hard they are tugging, or slacking. But the other end is in my hands.