The small group I belong to is trying a new approach. We are tackling a series of spiritual growth tasks, with the intention of breathing new life into our marriages. After all, prosperous relationships are pivotal to a satisfying life, at least if the seventy five year old longitudinal study out of Harvard is correct. 

The first task is simple enough. Divide thought. When a strong emotion wrangles its way to the forefront, split your attention. Rub the back of your hand and notice how it feels. Humans have the capacity to rise above their initial reactions. They are created in such a way that they can choose anger. Blame. Compassion. Trust. They can also choose differently. 

Ok, ok, when I am a passenger in a car going faster than I like I am not amenable to the suggestion that I can decide not to be afraid. But I have mustered the wherewithal to pivot my focus to a book, or music. In the process of being diluted, my fear does subside. 

A friend mentioned that her elderly mother's necklace disappeared when she was in the hospital. The reactions of her siblings varied, from outrage, to disappointment, to accepting that such things will matter little in a year or two. Their mother will have far more beautiful jewelry in heaven. 

It suggests to me that there is wiggle room between what happens to us and how we respond.