Now that I work at a high school instead of a preschool the conversations among faculty have shifted. Rather than strategies around hitting and time outs, the last meeting focused on the upcoming dance.

"Some girls apparently have the belief that they must go with the first boy who asks them. Did we tell them this?" the principals opened it up for discussion. 

John once told me about asking a girl on a date back before he could grow a beard. In the seventies boys either sent a folded note or called girls on the home phone. Which had a rotary dial. John nervously spun the first six numbers, and watched them click back. Before it could ring he slammed the receiver down. A few minutes later a small measure of courage seeped back into his pale face, and he dialed again. 

click click click click click click click click click

click click click click

click click click click click click click

click click

click click click click click click click

click click click click...

SLAM!

This repeated for half an hour before he could bear to let it finish. I can't remember if he told me whether she said yes. It wasn't me so what does it matter? 

I do recall the details of my own first dance. I said yes to the first boy who invited me, like I thought I should. The next day the boy I really liked asked me. I threw myself in a trash can in keeping with the tragedy of it all. 

The meeting this week volleyed around the predicaments inherent in boys asking girls on dates, and the vulnerability it engenders. Add to all this the phenomenon of the Big Ask, in which he concocts a public situation with flowers and chocolate, and a hand painted word play on poster board. 

And is turned down. 

The teachers care very much about the students and their self esteem, and had thoughtful insights about how to protect both sides... asker and asked.

I watched a Planet Earth episode in which male birds of paradise flaunt their plumage and dance flamboyantly in the hopes of impressing a female. Which does not always work in his favor. I guess even animals have trouble getting it right.