Last night was the first time Brittany and I have spent time alone since the diagnosis. For all of you jokesters out there (I have the best/worst friends) anything that comes out of my body at this point is radioactive… ANYWAY… While not romantic in that sense it was incredible to again sense the amount of bond I have with this woman. We fell into our normal rhythms, talked about everything that is going on, and were really honest with each other about where we were at. We have talked about the need to get therapy so our lines of communications stay open, how we are going to reimagine what it is like for me to be a husband and father at this time, and how we stay on target for everything we want to happen in our life. Don’t get me wrong this is a very, VERY hard time for us, but our marriage has a solid foundation, one that we never wanted tested like this, but this is not an accident.

Ever since I was very young I was smitten by the New Church’s teaching of Conjugial (true married) Love. I wanted nothing more than to find that person out there for me and grow closer to them through eternity. This meant that I was pretty intense about relationships from an early age - and while it was certainly a focus of mine, preparing for marriage, as in most things in life I wasn’t perfect. However, the search was near constant for me and I always needed to feel like I was getting closer to reaching that goal.

It was in my mid-20s where I really began to question myself regarding what I was doing about finding that partner. I had lived in Bryn Athyn my whole life, was interested in a New Church marriage (open to marrying outside of the church), but felt like it was going to be time for me to be moving on. Then one of my oldest friends (old enough that he had actually been my mortal enemy for a time), Jason Walter’s grandmother passed. This meant that Jason was coming back to the area, and so as a show of support, I went to his Grandmother’s funeral (Probably top 10 of moves I have pulled in my life) and was invited to the reception at Steiner’s.

Brittany was/is/always will be a stone-cold-fox. For those who don’t know I skipped a grade in Highschool (thanks ANC and especially Phil Ferrar) after I figured out Freshmen year that I didn’t want to be in Highschool for the full 4 years. This meant that when Brittany came to ANC, while I would have been in her class, I wasn’t. THIS IS A VERY GOOD THING. Brittany and I would under no circumstance worked out in Highschool, I think there is a lot in a person’s relationship situation that is about timing and we were in completely different headspaces. I was an ultra-conservative goody-two-shoes and she hadn’t been a huge part of the Church. But, she was more than enough to catch a fellas eye and in a total creeper move, I added her to my AOL Instant Messenger friends list and never talked to her in highschool (Also top 10 move).

So there I am on Steiner’s deck I guess it’s probably about 2007 maybe 2006 and there was Brittany. Still as beautiful as ever… another super old friend of mine Lane Genzlinger is talking to her and I sidle up to the conversation, I stood there as the people who actually knew each other talked, and then when it was time for Brittany to go we said our goodbyes, I maybe said 5 words to her, and then she was gone, back to North Carolina. A few days later I am at work and who pops on AIM, you guessed it, I say something totally not creepy like, “It was good to see you, hope everything is going well” something to that extent. Suddenly the floodgates are opened. Brittany and I probably owe back pay to HP and G2 respectively for how much of our working days were spent chatting on AIM. It started out as just occasionally talking about what we were doing, to talking about everything under the sun, religion, politics, personal opinions, food, you name it we talked about it. I would sign off from work, get home and eat as fast as I could, and then spend the nights talking to her. Turns out we had a lot in common, and what we didn’t we talked through, getting an understanding of where the other person was coming from and do you know why? Because that was all we could do. Being states away and in a budding romance the only thing we could do was get to know each other as well as we possibly could. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t feel like the blessing I recognize it as now, at the time but it allowed us to form a really solid foundation of communication.

From there, one Christmas break we decided we would be dating, a few plane flights to Charlotte, and we knew we couldn’t be apart. Britt begrudgingly came back to Pennsylvania and within a few months we were engaged. We’ve been married for over 8 years and literally never fought. I have been yelled at, she has been chastised, but we generally know when we are in the wrong (it’s usually me) and but we have such a strong foundation to work from.

***Preachy Time, now you really may want to drop out***
For anyone who is in a relationship or desirous of being in a relationship it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of time. Brittany and I are often on the same page, but we do drift. Our foundation thus far has meant that we rarely drift far, but as strong as our marriage is we talk all the time about getting into therapy, both for ourselves and for our family. Why? Because I think it’s really stupid that there would be a stigma of trouble about investing in a rock solid relationship that’s why. Outside perspectives from people trained to detect trouble is an absolutely invaluable investment in something that is probably the most important part of your life. I completely understand that not every relationship is made to last, healthy or otherwise, but I think it is certainly worth folks really being in touch with their core values and making sure that they align or resonate with their partners.

I feel so darn lucky to have been brought together with Brittany and to have someone who accepts me where I am at. We had an amazing start to our relationship that is allowing us to stay in sync at this time despite being apart so frequently. Britt has the hardest job in all of this because she will constantly be tested, wanting to be in at least two places at once. We are still planning on getting therapy because we know just how hard this will be and how everything will be tested. But one thing I told her today is that I am grateful for the opportunity to fall in love with her all over again.

Love, Kayne