Twenty years ago our oldest son flew from Los Angeles to visit friends across the country. Since it was long before the ease of text messages and cell phones, we assumed he was having a great time. It was not until he got home that we heard about the kerfuffle on his birthday.
He and a buddy were in a store and the friend
had the impulse to swipe some candy. Lukas got nervous, and tried to talk him out of it. But the friend slipped it into his pocket, unaware that the owner saw the whole thing. Soon the cops were at the door, and each of the boys was escorted to a patrol car for questioning.
"Where do you live?" the policeman gruffly began the interrogation.
"California." Lukas stammered. Sure.
"What does your
father do?" he barked.
"He is a minister." I think the policeman rolled his eyes.
"Can I talk to him now and verify that?" He wanted to call Lukas' bluff.
"No, he is in Africa on a mission." Yeah, right.
"How old are you, kid?"
"Today is my birthday." Lukas gulped.
It is easy to imagine the worst when we are mad at
someone. They are a jerk, and premeditated the scheme to inconvenience us.
But it is also easy to believe the best.
I heard a story about Leo Buscaglia in which he was robbed. The culprit took his wedding ring, his money and a bunch of his wife's jewelry. Leo was furious. He got livid every time he thought about it. He imagined what a decrepit specimen of humanity this was, and how morally depraved he must be to stoop to
thievery.
Then one day he decided to think differently. He made up a story about how the man was desperately scrambling for a means to buy medicine for his wife who could not care for their six children because of her illness. He embellished the story as energetically as he had the first one, adding juicy details about the kids and even picturing the wife who was so sick she could not walk.
He felt lighter. He still did not
have the money and rings but neither did he have the fury. In fact he started to pray for the man and his family, and actually wished he could do more to help them.
I have never been robbed of my rings, but I have been pilfered of my time. Usually I think worst case scenarios, as in John is purposely stalling. Probably he is waiting around the corner listening to the radio, trying to sabotage my dinner plans. But really he is doing something kind, like helping a
child whose shoes disappeared, or listening to a friend who called just as he had grabbed his keys.
I do have a pretty well oiled imagination, and I have decided to put it to work coming up with plausible reasons for why John is doing something other than what I want at that particular moment. It is way more interesting that fuming. It entertains me as I sit in the car, or keep dinner warm.
I may get to the
point when I want him to be late, just so I can put the finishing touches on the story in my mind.
