A friend and I were chatting about the ubiquitous dilemma: to criticize or stay silent. There are times when it seems absolutely imperative to point out a misstep. 

"Your child just grabbed my kid's ice cream sandwich. Don't you teach him to keep his hands to himself?"

"You left your socks in the bathroom. Again. Is it too much to ask that you put them in the basket?"

Last year there was a junior leader at summer camp that I came very close to calling out. She seemed lethargic and uninterested in engaging with her group. But I held my tongue. I decided to be curious. Maybe she felt sick. Perhaps her mother signed her up and she didn't really want to be there. 

I wonder if the illusion that there are only two options, to complain or button up, is deceiving. What if we simply offer feedback? Or open up a conversation?

"It looks like your child is hungry."

"Just letting you know I am doing laundry this morning."

I could have asked that young girl a question, rather than shamed her. 

"How are you feeling this morning? Is this what you want to be doing this week?"

Who knows. I might actually learn something.