We are currently part of two marriage groups. With the slimmer summer schedule we thought we could make it work, and thus far it is a blessing.

I have sometimes wondered why it feels so enjoyable, even with couples who dare not already friends. They have been married for differing amounts of time, and are in a range of life stages. Yet it feeds us where we are. 

An article articulating the neuroscience of happiness gives me some clues. It pinpoints four behaviors that relieve anxiety and produce measurable well being. Three of them show up every week.

Part of the routine we follow is to appreciate your partner. For five minutes. That is plenty of time for your body to boost the neurotransmitter dopamine. Which feels good. Everyone comes back from the ten minute vacation calmer.

As the article states, "consciously recognizing emotions reduces their impact." I feel as if I see it on people's faces. When their turn rolls around to answer the simple question "How are you?" many people seem not to already know. They have been fully engaged with trying to keep up with the treadmill of the day, and have not stopped to even breathe. Now they do. And in so doing they find a word or ten to articulate how they feel. 

In a society where we are constantly around other people, it is ironic that we often feel alone. Social isolation is as hurtful as physical pain, and the format in a small group insures that everyone is included. Listened to. Seen. Couples often hold hands as they sit side by side, and as dessert there are often a round of hugs before we leave. The connection is deeply satisfying. 

Small groups do not have a monopoly on these practices. Any two people can express gratitude. Ask and listen to one another. Touch. 

In the hundred and sixty eight hours granted me each week, the two I spend in marriage group are remarkably rejuvenating. 

Which is why I did not hesitate to up it to four.