This Sunday I was part of the choir. But I was not the leader. A young man trained in music education took that role, leaving me the joy of just being part of the team. One of the reasons he invited John and me was because two of the songs were written by John, and he could be sure that we already knew them.

It reminded me of what friends tell me about being a grandma. They get to simply enjoy the children they love, without the added responsibility of being in charge.  I liked just showing up at practice before church and doing what I was told. 

"This one is a round, which we will do three times. Then we break into an ostinato. Here us your piece...."

"Start quietly, and build with each verse. Then get quiet again on the final one."

I can do that.  

As I look sixty years in the face I am more willing, even eager, to take a subordinate stance. Motherhood was an intensive course in Being in Charge, and went on for a really long time. Anyone in our home who was fed or dressed depended on me to go shopping, chop veggies, do laundry, wash dishes, and zip zippers. I get tired just telling you. 

But with three kids in their thirties and three more in their twenties it is time to loosen the reigns. Or let go completely. When the fifteen of us exited the venue in Vermont last week I had to pack my bag, but I did not pack anyone else's. The bride and groom left in their own car for one airport, our son and his wife from California left with the couple from Portland and the daughter from Yale in another car headed for a different airport to catch flights they booked themselves. Another daughter left before I was up, headed for Pittsburgh. Only the youngest four rode with me, and when we stopped for gas they bought their own snacks. 

It is a different kind of satisfying, to enjoy them without managing their lives. 

The Director of my life has been here all along, but I am finally learning how to look for cues and let Him do the leading.