There is a saying that the longer you hold a grudge the heavier it gets. I know I have borne enough tonnage to qualify as a weight lifter. Except that the process did not make me stronger. It makes me weaker. 

Amazingly, I can even manage to begrudge more than one person at a time. That's clever. 

There is an article in Family Life that outlines four steps for loosening our vice grip on rancor. The author suggests offering forgiveness in private, in public, in graciousness, and in generosity. By privacy he means between us and God. This dovetails with the prayer that many of us say. Next comes forgiving the person face to face. That takes gumption. But the author invites us to go further, by forgiving with grace. Resist the urge to frame the conversation with self importance. Finally, forgive generously. Not just barely. 

I have been clinging to righteous indignation about someone I love for awhile now. It is getting in the way of a precious relationship, and the benefits are pathetic. Sort of like the glitzy plastic jewelry you win at the fair for popping a balloon. Yippee. I am right and you are wrong. Holding these four steps like the clues on a treasure hunt, I hope to arrive at a more pleasing spot than the one that has held me hostage. One that entices the person I love to want to come and join me.

I heard another pithy definition. Expectations are premeditated resentments. That gives you the means to spin your wheels before, during and after a misunderstanding. Such an energy waster makes fossil fuel look positively green.