There were many years when we invited people into our home every week. Marriage group was on the schedule, whether or not we were feeling especially cordial, so John and I hustled to tidy up. Our home is not and never will be a showcase, but we pushed back the piles of papers, and reined in the assorted shoes that shod nine people in good weather and bad. Enough so that eight guests could sit down without landing on pins. I won't pretend that I enjoyed the pressure, though when they left I was left with a more pleasant living space. 

As our kids have gotten older, and less inclined to be stuffed into back bedrooms we switched to hosting at our office. Or someone elses's digs. That resulted in the slackening of the Wednesday late afternoon scramble. 

Now let me assure you that it did not all disintegrate to squalor. But there is a better chance that you can find dirty cups on the coffee table, and the current quilt project on the floor. The kitchen counters get cleared as does the dining room but not necessarily at the same time. Since we are not inviting people in, we let stuff slide. 

There were three couples who used to go out regularly. They went to high school together, and made a habit of spending an evening with each other. Sometimes it was for dinner or when money was tight just coffee. But they shoe horned it in between shuttling kids and their favorite shows. This was back when television was on when it was on and you sat in the chair or you missed it. 

But over time one of the couples started to unravel. Their commitment slackened, and since it was too hard to clean it up they made excuses. The regular camaraderie dissipated. 

They stopped inviting their friends in. 

Not long ago one of the people who used to come to marriage group in our home mentioned it.

"I miss your living room. It wasn't about how perfect it was, or wasn't. Sometimes Ben was howling on the stairs, or your kids left ice cream bowls in the sink. But you and John were real, and it helped me to be."

Maybe it is okay to be kinda messy. Maybe it is enough just to be genuine.