At marriage group this week we talked about anger. Some of us grew up in homes where emotions thrashed like inclement weather, and we learned to protect ourselves or be trampled. 

"You make me so angry!" plays to the appearance. If kids fought and knocked over a lamp, dad responded with rage. 

And yet, there is a margin between broken furniture and screaming, slender, yet just wide enough for choice. 

If you are driving and the person behind you rear ends you, you might consider fury the only possible response. Yet if you climbed out of your smashed car and found that the driver behind you was your father... having a heart attack.... the feelings would be quite different. 

One woman posits that anger is a secondary emotion. Hurt is what is happening underneath, but hides itself in blame. 

I have gradually noticed that anger is a lot of work. There are behaviors that show up at our house that used to infuriate me, but have lost their power, like a hurricane that is blown out to sea. 

One of the songs I sing with two year olds is "If You're Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands." The verse about anger offers a reaction that doesn't hurt anybody. "If you're angry and you know it stomp your feet!" The kids and I stomp away, and no one gets bruised. 

Maybe if we keep singing, they will be less inclined to blame anyone, and just start dancing instead.