Probably I should have ignored it. But it seemed so innocent. Like those sales that promise "40% off!" when you know without asking that the mark up was already 100%. The quiz promised to elucidate the four signature habits of successful couples. What the heck. I clicked.
Good couples always say goodbye when they leave the house, and
kiss.
Oh well. I could still swing a C if I nail the rest.
In healthy marriages, couples make time every day to talk face to face.
This was not going well. Certainly John and I exchange essential information, like bills due, and who is ferrying the twins. But I think they meant conversations with more substance. I kept going. Not sure why.
In strong relationships,
both people try to surprise each other, for fun.
Does once every ten years or so count? It was not time specific.
Marriages that last are ones in which partners go to bed at the same time.
Oh well. What do they know anyway?
Things can get dicey when you try to pin down the four non negotiable qualities of a committed marriage. It's like saying all beautiful
flowers are red, or the best animals are all mammals, or the only vacation spots worth visiting involve water.
But there is a converse to that thinking. The Four Horsemen defined by John Gottman articulate not what you should do but what you shouldn't.
Criticism. Contempt. Stonewalling, Defensiveness.
The miracle to me is that in the absence of life sucking practices, goodness, of
all shapes and stripes, flows in.
Insofar as a person draws back from evil good enters in.
Emanuel Swedenborg, Heavenly Secrets 2388
