The other day a woman shared this quote from Anne Tyler with me. We have known one another for fifty years, since we lived on the same street as young girls. Our marriages and our parenting have been flawed, and we have not hidden this from each other. I guess because hiding our failings takes too much energy, and we are already weary much of the
time.
Having her hand me this fistful of words, which speak of companionship rather than romance, meant the world to me in that moment. All of the mental ratiocination that is spent on debating whether we married the right person leaves less time for the constant demands of raising children, dealing with the flooded basement, figuring out where the leak in the closet is coming from.
Perhaps the unspoken nugget inside is the
division of labor. All God is asking of me is to face the task in front of me. He will handle the rest.
I knew couples who’d been married almost forever – forty, fifty, sixty years.
Seventy-two, in one case. They’d be tending each other’s illnesses, filling
in each other’s faulty memories, dealing with the money troubles or the
daughter’s suicide, or the grandson’s drug addiction. And I was beginning
to suspect that it made no
difference whether they’d married the right person.
Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in a half century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.
I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would.”
Anne Tyler, "A Patchwork Planet"
