Marriage Moats-Touching
Published: Fri, 10/01/10
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||
 What is it about touching?
I submit my twins to something brutal every day. I brush their hair. That is boring. But what is amazing is that they reach out for each other, just like these tendrils, so they can withstand the pain. Wrapped up inside each other's arms, the brushing is endurable.
I read a story about twins who were born prematurely. The tiny girl was healthy. She could breathe on her own and her heart rate was stable. But her brother was struggling. The nurses were doing all their fancy tricks to keep his body temperature up, his oxygen levels high, the germs at bay. But he was still floundering. Then, when no one was looking, his sister managed to hurl her three inch arm across his back. The beeping machines settled down. He was calm. The touch of the person who had shared a womb with him was enough to make life in this foreign land endurable. At a point in my parenting when I could not manage to communicate with one of my children, a friend suggested I try touch. Yeah, right. This teenager was not about to submit to hugging me.
"I don't mean hugging. Just bump up against him in the kitchen. Brush shoulders as you pass. Accidentally put your hand on his when you reach for the ketchup."
I was skeptical but I tried it. It made a difference. Perhaps he felt like he was being forced to live in a foreign land of oppressive adults. Yet in that simple shift, the temperature in our house warmed up, the conflicts stayed at bay. Touch each other. You have the power in your fingers to make your spouse feel safe. The touch of the person with whom you are sharing this marriage is enough to keep the pain endurable.
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