The walls are less visible than in a baseball game, but they seem just as high.

 

It is a strange twist that I can see through the chains. There is action inside, between my husband and children, but I cannot get in. 

 

It makes me sad to think that they can have a great time without me. But what does that say about me? I need to be the center of every game?

 

Sometimes when life feels painful I get angry. Other times though I disappear without going anywhere. One time I went two days without speaking more than succinct, terse responses.

 

"Lunch."

 

"Stop."

 

"Maybe."

 

The punishment worked, if you can call it that. Everyone tiptoed around me. Finally my son spoke what they were all thinking.

 

"I wish you would say something."

 

"I believe it is better to not say anything than to say mean things!" I shot back.

 

"I would much rather you say mean things than to not say anything." 

 

The chains snapped inside me. What was I doing? Why was I doing it? What was the cost? 

 

I looked at the faces of the people who felt too scared of me to be naughty. They wanted to be close to me. I wanted to be close to them. Why let barbs stand between us? I shuddered at my own power to hurt the people who love me. 

 

The gate swung open and I walked through. 

 

 

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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