Marriage Moats-Ouch
Published: Fri, 03/04/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
 I am listening now, although I wish I had listened earlier. It is hard
to attend to a message before it is sent, of course. But if I am honest,
I remember that this volley of interaction has shown up annually... reckless
treatment of my spine, a rebuttal in the form of deep aching, walking
as if I have a bowl of water on my head accompanied by a tardy promise
to exercise and bend at the knees, forgiveness granted by the gradual
subsiding of discomfort.
My attention is focused on Pain, but really he is only a mailman delivering
a certified letter from my mute and overworked vertebrae. They had hoped
that the poster in my physician's office about the proper care of
the skeletal system would convince me to behave, but apparently I need
regular reminders. If I think about it, the vertebrae are my friends,
and deserve at least as much care as I bestow on my cell phone. I want
my phone to work, hence I am mindful to keep it away from swimming pools,
greasy fingers, and microwave ovens. Surely I can treat my back well,
too. My objective is to make Pain go away, but if I could hire a surgeon
to slice the right nerve endings and get free of the annoying messages
it actually would not stop me from damaging those innocent bones and
the tissue that connects them. Maybe, just maybe, pain is a good idea.
Pain shows up in marriage. Wives pester, husbands snarl, couples withdraw
to their corners, conversations get succinct, glances turn to glares.
Sometimes we aim blame at the symptoms--the harsh words, the lack
of touch, the silence. If only we could delete the comments and bristly
feelings, all would be well... or would it? Perhaps they are messages
sent from deeper structures within our marriage that give us a reason
to stand up straighter, carry less baggage, resist stooping to low morals.
Pain gets our attention, but the real damage being done is farther inside. Although it is inconvenient to find out that the chair I have exhaustedly
flopped into has landed on my husband's foot and he would like me
to move it immediately... I need to know. When he complains that
what I said to him stung, I can be distracted by how he delivered the
message, or I can be grateful for the chance to learn how not to hurt
him again.
I would like this back to support me for a few more decades. I would
like this marriage to be my spiritual backbone for a few more centuries. Thank you for the pain.
Photo by Chara Odhner
www.caringformarriage.org
| |