My back was up even before we got in the car. Who schedules a psych eval at 9 a.m. on Halloween? An hour from my door, to boot. When Ben came down the stairs he was dressed for the day. That meant a pale yellow button up shirt, khaki pants, laced boots, a leather satchel and a brown hat. John had actually put a whip in the shopping cart online but Ben thought differently. 

"I don't want to hurt people." 

I explained where we were going, not the kind of doctor who pokes him,  but the kind who asks questions and writes things down. He trusted me, which is surprising considering how many doctors I have taken him to over the years.

Siri told me where to go, and all was well until I got to the toll booth. No ticket. The sign warned me that the maximum would be charged if I had none at the exit. That happened once to John and cost him two Jacksons. I was determined not to count on sympathy at the other end, and pulled in to the adjacent building . No one was on duty. The ineptitude. My ire was up, and I ran across the lanes to grab a ticket from another kiosk. Ben had no opinion about the brief excursion and kept singing. John Michael Talbot is his fav these days. 

"Nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible with God," he bellowed. I ignored the sentiment. 

We arrived at our destination five minutes early, and tried the door. Locked. I tried another. Also locked. We circled the building, trying every door and finally found one on the other side. The disparity between Ben and I was widening. I was mad. He was not. He kept following me, singing.

"I will go, Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart."

The internal door was locked and banging did not change that. How dare they set me up like this. Force me to drive an hour and then have the audacity to not be there. We sat on the floor, and he kept singing. I started to listen. He was completely content to sit with me in a random hallway for as long as we needed to. No expectation about how this was meant to turn out. The psychiatrist showed up ten minutes later, which felt like a huge inconvenience at the time. But Indiana Jones did not seem to think so. 

She apologized obliquely, not effusively like I wanted. Then she gave us her full attention and seemed genuinely interested in getting services for Ben. She asked about his favorite movies and his smile could not have been wider had he found the holy grail.

When we shook hands goodbye, I felt chagrined by my own indignation. Why did the world need to dovetail its multiple moving parts for my benefit alone? So there wasn't a ticket. Oh well. So the doctor was late. Big deal. Indiana would have taken those inconveniences as insignificant on a trek through the Middle east.  

I had a lot to learn from him about not hurting people.