Three women went away for their annual get away weekend. One of them told me about it. 

"This was the first time I really noticed how they held their marriages. One woman spoke warmly of her husband several times, bringing him into the conversation. She called him both nights we were there. It was really sweet. The other woman did a lot of complaining about hers. She found ways to criticize him and he wasn't even there! One time she started with a question."

"Want to know what annoys me about him?"

I had had enough.

"No."

She was taken aback. 

"They are both lifelong friends, and I care about them but it was startling to see the contrast between them. I made a commitment to emulate the way my first friend speaks. Because we go away every fall I know I have a year to change my patterns. Next October, I will be the one sharing good memories about my husband. I even wrote myself a plan to hang in my bathroom."

I was touched by her story. Maybe I will write my own goals.