There are a number of steps involved in sending out moats. Having done it every day for five years I am accustomed to the process, and usually things go as planned. But the server changed the format and now it is ridiculously simple to send it out immediately, rather than specify a time and day in the future, which is what I want. Hence there have been a few that slipped through the gate before I intended. Each time I clicked on Cancel, but the little disk was spinning and said sympathetically, "Too late. Already sent." Then I could see their wiggling tails as they sailed through space to the seven hundred boxes waiting with raised eyebrows to catch them.

For an instant I panicked. Was it ready? Had I attached the right picture? Did I get permission? Were there any typos? Ah well, it went and there was no way to scramble around blocking them before they landed. 

I thought about words that have spent time in my drafts box... snippy comments, critical jabs, confidences broken... and exhaled with relief that many of them remained unsent. Cancelling words that have hit the airspace is like trying to stuff the feathers back into a split pillow, or refold the tissues after a toddler discovered them, or pour  the dish soap back into the narrow neck after a spill. There is always residue.

My mother was manic, and sometimes my father would clench his teeth, grab the keys and with wheels squealing drive away. I blamed him for it then, but now I feel softer. He was trying with all his might not to let the down pillow explode all over the room.