We had a chance to chat with a couple we have known for some time. They hosted a marriage group in their home years back, when serving iced tea was easier than finding a a babysitter. And cheaper.

It was a hot summer day, and as we sipped our drinks none of us had surplus energy to prop up the image of how great life is. It got real. 

They had gone on a vacation this summer that kindled some of the qualities they love about each other, attributes that have been somewhat smothered by the incessant needs of small children. They looked at each other with softness. And smiled.

"We aren't really climbing up in our relationship, and we aren't slipping down either. I figure if I just keep walking it will be ok." He mentioned a post by a mutual friend on his anniversary, where he described how the apologies come more quickly now, two hours rather than twenty. I remembered it. The husband had said they yell but they laugh too. And God still has a place at the table.

The couple in front of us spoke about some of the pitfalls with acceptance. It's awkward for him to show affection. She gets it. She spends too much time on her screen. He's not angry about it. 

"The vacation was like a refueling station. I need to plan for those, not just hope they will show up. We used to do regular dates but our babysitter got busy." 

 "I have friends who are struggling more than we are, and I want to be there for them. But how?" They mentioned a "grandma" who is willing, eager even to have the kids overnight. But asking goes against the grain. 

It felt good to be with them, to check in. And maybe I will invite them to a fall marriage group. They might even gain some elevation.