This week a friend called to say she had handled a hard conversation well. She spoke her piece without barbs or mixed messages, and astonishingly he heard her. 

"Thank you for telling me." That doesn't always happen. 

It remains to be seen how the discussion plays out, but it has a better chance of resolving well than if she had come in with both barrels blasting.

She told me that one reason she could speak with respect was that she had gone on a run beforehand. It cleared her head.

Later the same day a couple described to us a gnarly interchange they had had over a broken appliance. He mentioned that he had reduced his anger by working out. Then he could come back to his wife, sweaty, but in a calmer place. 

There was a time in my early parenting when I tried something different. Actually there were oodles of times, but this one was when I dared my son to race me to the tree on the edge of our yard, every time we were starting to escalate. The adrenaline was spent on our legs, and we were both more amicable. 

Having a plan for reducing anxiety before we try to talk and listen is smart. Maybe even I could evolve to the point where I could thank John for telling me something I needed to hear.