This week I went to a twelve step meeting. It was only an hour all told, yet packed into it I heard more than a hundred expressions of appreciation, a slew of stories involving self reflection, and complete silence about blame. How can that not be a good thing? 

As a newbie at meetings I will keep my mouth shut and just listen. Yet that does not mean it won't impact life at home. Already I feel a skin growing between me and Ben's outbursts. It is a skin that permits me to be separate from his angst, yet responsive to it. Having a visceral reaction to a computer game, or his stomach, or the drama that plays between his ears makes it hard for Ben to be Ben. I can fault him for it, because obviously I could do an impeccable job of being Ben, or I can hold him with compassion. I think meetings will help me choose the latter. 

Self improvement is up there with flossing and calling your mother on her birthday, but who ever witnesses another person doing it? I have more instances of road rage in my observation inventory than I do of shunning evil. Maybe it is at least in part because when someone resists lashing out, there is nothing to see. Unless you have learned to watch the wind, which is most definitely worth seeing. ​