A friend responded to my struggles with Benjamin with a story of her own. She has a bumpy relationship with her son as well, and the other day he plunked his chin in his hand. 

"I bet you would rather have a different son than me. Like Matthew. He never says bad words or fights." She cringed. Certainly she had on many occasions remarked on how well behaved Matthew was, and urged her child to not be a bad influence on him. 

"I love you, and I know the Lord sent you to me as a precious gift. I am very grateful to be your mother, and we are on this journey together." She tried to reassure him fully. 

At bedtime she added another dose of cuddles, telling him how much she loved him. In truth she did not feel overwhelming love at the time, after a gritchy day of chores and cross words. But in some part of her she knew she adored him, the way she knew the sun would come up tomorrow. It was dark now, foot stumblingly dark, but light would return and so would her maternal affection. 

The Divorce Busting expert Michele Weiner Davis says there is a line she has heard a hundred times. 

"I don't love him/her anymore." 

Immaterial. Get to work. 

Probably by morning my friend was content to be with her little boy, or at least willing to help him make breakfast. I admit that my grudges have been known to spill over into the next day. Or week. Funny thing about feelings. If they were the only reason we did things we would all be in trouble.