A friend told me a story about his thumbs. The other day he was driving a nail and whacked one of them with the hammer. The pain was intense, and he held it tightly with his other thumb in sympathy. 

"This illustrates how we are all one life, from God. We feel separate, like my two thumbs, and yet we are united. Even though only one of my thumbs was hurt from the hammer, they are both part of me. For one thumb to scold, or judge the other for making a mistake is pointless. They share the same body."

I thought about the other morning when I had strong opinions about what John did and did not get done over the weekend. Why would I believe the mirage that we are not part of the same life, the same marriage? To hurt him is to hurt Us. 

It is common for people with autism to get mixed up about pronouns. For years Ben would say "You are hungry," when he meant that he was hungry. Last night he yelled for a long time, when the rest of us were trying to sleep. In the morning he felt embarrassed. 

"You think I'm an idiot."

"No, Ben, I don't. But I was annoyed." I guess what he was trying to say was that he felt like an idiot, and perhaps he is more clued in to the connection of feelings between people than I am. The dividing line between how I feel and how he feels is more permeable than say a brick wall. 

Maybe the next time I will respond differently. If he feels badly I could withhold judgment and just hold him tightly.