There is a post by Seth Godin that nails how negative reinforcement works. Here are some of his examples.
"If you want employees to go job hunting in order to leverage you into giving them a raise to keep them, then by all means, only give them a raise when they go job
hunting.
If you want vendors to nickel and dime you for the last penny, then by all means, stretch out their payments and use them as a free source of cash.
If you want the home seller or the art dealer or the agent to put their goods up for auction to maximize the price you'll have to pay, then definitely punish those that don't have auctions by seeking to pay them as little as
possible.
If you want internet companies to auction off your attention to the highest bidder, the best strategy is to only use services that don't charge you a fee.
If you want gotchas, fine print and the hard sell, buy your car from someone who promises you the lowest price and then figures out how to make a profit some other way.
If you want customers to throw tantrums in order to get better service, my best advice is to only give a focused, urgent response to customers who throw tantrums.
Most of all, if you want customers to hear about you, make something worth talking about. And if you want customers who are loyal, act in a way that deserves loyalty."
My mind went to marriage and how we can invite a better response. I came up with a few possibilities.
If you want to encourage your spouse to yell then ignore any requests until he or she
shouts.
If you want your spouse to hide expenses from you by all means chase down their purchases and scrutinize them.
If you want your partner to be stingy with helping around the house, be sure to resist doing your share.
If you want your partner to avoid listening to you only talk about the annoyances of your
day.
Most of all if you want your spouse to be loyal, behave in a way that engenders loyalty.
