My twins turn the page from childhood to teenagers next week. They have chosen to forgo gifts and are asking their friends and siblings to donate to charity: water instead. Their goal is to bring water to 13 thirteen year olds.

Their sister felt a pang of guilt, remembering her own priorities at that age. While it is not commonplace for teenagers to choose altruism above a pile of new clothes, neither is it unheard of. A few years ago the twins found out that a friend did not have an American Girl doll, and held a string of lemonade stands to buy her one. They had gotten their shared doll at the thrift store but it did not occur to them to spend the money on themselves. 

Generosity comes in a wide range of variations. I have friends who create lavish desserts when we come over, knowing that I reciprocate by opening jars and pouring chips in a bowl. Other people give of their time to social causes, or church efforts. This week a slew of folks will Pay it Forward by making food for people who could use a little extra love on a cold February day. 

Somehow generosity between married people goes from color to black and white. Making dinner for an elderly widow is supremely kind, but setting a plate of pasta in front of your husband is meh. Contributing to the pumps that bring clean water to children in Ethiopia is magnanimous, but crawling under the sink to fix the pipes so your wife can take a shower is boring. 

Yet maybe marriage is the arena in which we can practice generosity every single day.