A friend shared a story about how her marriage has evolved. In the beginning, they wanted to be together, and often were, in a project like painting the house. They worked well as a team and enjoyed being side by side. Then as years passed they would sometimes work in different rooms or sides of the house.

This did not mean that their affection had lessened. It merely meant that it was supple enough to reach around the corner.

She noticed that there were other issues in which they were not exactly side by side.

"We have found ourselves on different sides of questions about religion, money, in-laws, education & discipline of children, home maintenance, the purpose of one's life's
work, electricity, medicine, sofas, room temperature, mousetraps.  When
our marriage was young and fragile, discovering we had different views on
the value of first grade felt life shattering.  Now, different views are
part of the balance of who we are: one who trusts institutions, one who
trusts individuals; the hot one & the cold one; the worker & the dreamer;
the safety-conscious & the foolhardy.  When we are willing to give our
love time to grow and stretch, sometimes we can see what looked like
irreconcilable disagreements as different walls of the same house."

This was true for the couple we went out to dinner with last night. Simply picking the restaurant was a case in point. He tends to go to a familiar place. His wife will invite adventure and suggest they try something new. He is an introvert, she craves people and talking. Yet they have found ways to respectfully blend their parenting styles, and their needs for closeness.

I suppose houses with walls that are both firmly connected and yet perpendicular are more structurally sound than the fake fronts I saw in Hollywood.