It can be difficult to be aware of the filters we look through. After all our vision is limited to the scope of our eyes, and if they are obstructed by a screen, that becomes our normal.  

Some of my kids love photography and they discuss the advantages of different ways of achieving cool effects. Two of them might start with the same view, and change it with a lens or filter. 

One of the premises I am deeply embedded in is that my childhood was representative of other people's early years. The landscape that surrounded me included a religious culture, loving parents, mental illness, a large extended family, and the protected bubble of a small town where walking the streets at eleven at night was safe. One of my daughters and her friend decided to walk to a convenience store at two am when they were fourteen. I was not amused when I heard about it the next day but they were fine.

Marriage is often the juncture of two worlds that were not identical. We see life through a filter and it can be tempting to assume that they other person's view is imperfect while ours is complete.

Sometimes the variations do not emerge until later in the game. One woman told me that she grew up carefully saving leftovers, and being frugal. But her partner tossed them. It can be hard to manage both so someone has to concede.

Other couples have told me that holidays are a time of splitting hairs. She wants to stay home. He wants to visit his parents. She likes a few carefully chosen gifts, and he wants the wow of a big pile even if some are just socks. 

           

John's family of origin is less exuberant than some, and it took me a while to adjust to the lower volume at get togethers. Roses are my roots and if you don't talk loud and fast you might never be heard in a room full of them. 

It is not as if one perspective is more correct or even enjoyable than another. In fact making the effort to try to see life through another person's eyes can be enriching. 

I wonder what it will be like when we walk through the pearly gates hand in hand and the view is clear for the very first time. 

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