The movie Fireproof centers around the book
Love Dare. It is a tool for taking your relationship farther, one step at a time for forty days.
One of the challenges is to withhold criticism. Another is to do an unexpected act of generosity. The husband in the movie, Caleb, finds the tasks more annoying than inspiring at first, and does them sparingly.
By halfway through he starts to gain momentum, and is at least curious about the idea of "studying" his wife.
"When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, hobbies, and
habits, But after he marries her he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas." Love Dare, Day 18
The show White Collar includes this idea as well. When it is Peter's anniversary Neal challenges him to scope out what his wife enjoys, in order to create a meaningful gift for her. It is ironic to suggest to an FBI investigator who can examine a crime scene
for a rogue fingerprint to find clues about his own wife.
Google studies me, or rather some computer in Silicon Valley does. Little ads for my favorite fabrics show up to entice me, because an algorithm was tracking orders I made to fabric.com a few months ago. In a pathetic sort of way it feels nice.
"You're right! I adore batiks!"
Whoever "you" is.
Many of us
spend energy learning more about what we care about. We attend grad school, read books, take online courses, join clubs, visit Facebook pages.
There was a cocky moment when I reached a plateau in my quilting. A friend named Kim suggested I join a Quilt Guild, and I said something absurd like I knew all I needed. I had no idea what I lacked, but the decision to walk through
the door into a room full of strangers impacted my skills and delight exponentially. The thought that I would still be stuck where I was in 1992 makes me cringe. And cry.
Maybe it is time to try the forty day challenge myself. I like the idea of looking back on my version of marriage in 2014 and thinking of it as a warm up.
