But there were days when I dropped him off at school, kicking and biting, and the teacher met us at the door with a resolute smile. 

Once I asked if she was allowed to say "We don't want him! Go away!" 

She paused. "We always want Ben."

I think in a broad sense she meant it. Sort of. But surely if those special ed teachers are flawed human beings there are times they want to lock the doors before all the verbal and non verbal, stimming and slow thinking boys arrive. Even a ninety thousand dollar college degree can carry you only so far.  

It is not a bad thing, to keep slogging when you would rather quit. Many aspects of my day depend on people following through when it is inconvenient. If trains only ran in sunshine, or grocery stores closed when the manager felt obstreperous, or the crossing guard only appeared with a reflective vest and whistle when the temperature was balmy, there would be consequences.

My father Lorentz Soneson gave a talk thirty years ago about hypocrisy. His position was that it is not deceit to be kind to your partner when you don't feel like it. He was not speaking hypothetically. He had seen his own wife locked up and on tranquilizers thrice. Surely the months leading up to such a drastic response involved interactions that were strained. Being cordial when you would rather be caustic is not hypocrisy. 

It is the point.