One of the bittersweet aspects of having children is seeing yourself in them. If they have blue eyes like you, or a similar talent for music, that feels swell. Noticing a stubborn streak, or a quick temper that is much like yourself, is less satisfying. But watching your four year old cross her arms and scold in precisely the manner that you do
does afford you a chance to climb out of oblivion. Unless you live in a dance studio with wall to wall mirrors, you probably don't realize what you look like with your eyebrows furrowed.
Marriage is another chance for self observation. When your partner is out of sorts, it is easier to take note of what you look like in a similar frame of mind. The other day a woman finally paid me for sewing lessons her daughter enjoyed last fall. Rather than clutch on to
resentment, I decided to use it as a reflection of what I look like when I shirk my own responsibilities. It is almost impossible to crane my neck enough to see it in myself, but I can notice it in someone else, and remember.
It is a bit like our inability to give ourselves a backrub, or reach an itch just below our own scapula. We can't get to it, or even get a glance of it. But you can see it on your partner, and if you are feeling generous, offer to massage or
scratch it.
Nothing can be learned without reflection.
Emanuel Swedenborg, Spiritual Experiences 2593
