I was moved too. Here was kindness that could not be reciprocated. She gave without strings. The soft purple quilt will never grace her own home. She will only be able to imagine it, or if she happens to visit her friend, to see it on the couch or perhaps on a bed. But for her, that is enough. She is operating from a different revenue stream than kuddos.

Life affords us opportunities to be genuinely kind. Surely the dynamics between parents and children are lopsided. If toddlers were expected to take turns providing lunch the human race would have died out a long time ago. While it is true the reward of chubby arms around my neck felt like compensation I did technically give more to my children than they gave to me. But it never occurred to me to rub it in.

Mothers know this, and enter into the relationship expecting to give more than they get back. There are no conversations about who will drive, who will wash dishes, who will pay for groceries. 

The other day Ben asked if we could go back to the beach, and I answered that we could not afford it. He immediately went to the drawer where I keep money and counted out thirty bucks. 

"Now we can," he said. Aside from the fact that the money was less than a week's rent, it was not his to offer. 

Parents foot the bills for a couple of decades, usually without resentment. But when it comes to marriage, that pesky tendency to keep score gets us into trouble. 

I wonder if God's subtle plan is to give us a running start being magnanimous without expecting reciprocation, through the experience of raising kids, and then cross His fingers that we will make the leap to being generous with our spouse. 

Because what we feel such inflated ownership of... our money, our body, our energy... is not really ours either.