Somehow my internal standard for acceptable distance decreased sharply when we moved to Pennsylvania. Perhaps it was the initiation to life with twins, or Ben's diagnosis of autism. Maybe it was the tolls. Or maybe I am just becoming a homebody. But now I spend far less time in the car. 

The few minutes I do travel the mile to work or three to Trader Joe's I flip on NPR. Often when I turn the ignition I am absorbed in my own consuming life. My chores, my children, my bills, my marriage. Then Terry Gross reminds me that there is a vast world out there facing deportation, tsunamis, drone attacks and political unrest. I find it almost embarrassing, the heads up that there is news more newsworthy than the tiff I had with John before church. 

Egocentricity is poison to relationships. I guess it is like a Tinkertoy set with only round wooden discs and no connecting green sticks. Sitting waiting for everyone else to plug into my needs can be lonely, and when all of us do it, that's a lot of lonely. 

Marriage is a way to broaden our self centeredness. Parenting is another. The other night I got together with a group of people that I see every few years. Back in my thirties, I remember the anxiety of wondering what other people thought of how I was managing my life. It was too much about me. But this time I felt lighter, willing and eager to hear about how other people are faring, not to judge but to support them. I felt more stable, like a Tinkertoy with many connections. 

And you can build a ton of cool things with Tinkertoys.