John Gottman is a scientist and likes measurable goals. His
Four Horseman have literally changed the tenor of marriage education. I read an
article based on his findings for successful marriage and assessed my own progress. I got a C+. While I could call that a low grade, I actually find it helpful. If there are no new ideas for me to implement I might as well pack it up and go home.
I have followed Gottman's suggestion for writing notes of my husband's good qualities. Instead of parking it on the fridge like a shopping list I tucked them into pockets and places I inhabit, to
increase the likelihood of finding them at unsuspecting moments. It worked like baking soda on small flames, or if I was already feeling friendly, like whipped cream on cheesecake. Yum.
The directives to take responsibility and avoid contempt are well worn tools. That does not mean I can check them off as complete but it does mean their handles fit well in my hand. I use them every day, and don't put them in a locked box under the illusion that I have outgrown
them.
The suggestion to set time away to spend time together still escapes me. When we are running a marriage group I can cheerfully report that we do it every week but every day... not so much. Therein lies the room for improvement.
But I'm not worried. I know how to make goals too.
