Although he does not do it as much as he used to, Benjamin still whacks his head on the table when he gets frustrated. He bites his fingers to punish them, when they knock over a glass or make a typo.
"Ben, it's ok. We can clean it up," I try to reassure him.
"No, my hand is STUPID!" he
yells.
His fingers and forehead are so obviously attached to his body, it baffles me how he can sustain the illusion that they are isolated. The pain alone must be proof. But still he is adamant that the fingers must be severely reprimanded for their transgression. I suppose autism blunts his capacity to see the connection.
I read a quote somewhere that still intrigues me.
You are not a drop in the
ocean. You are the ocean in a single drop.
A man who offered spiritual growth classes this spring kept trying to find ways to explain it to me. We are made from God, and we are all one. Hurting one another is as counterproductive as Ben whacking his head. Besides that, hurting others brings us pain too.
Maybe I would behave differently if I could see the golden threads that carry life between me and the people I deem worthy of
disapproval. Stopping would probably hurt less too.
