Marriage Moats- Take Notes

Published: Sun, 04/13/14

 
Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage
Take Notes
Image
Photo: Joy Feerrar 
I was chatting with my aunt about her son who had a stroke a few years back. When she arrived to take care of him his abilities were dramatically limited. But each day he made progress. She decided to keep a record.

"Moved his pinkie."

"Walked with a walker."

"Stepped over a two inch obstacle."

Later when he would fall into despair about the lack of change she would bring out her note pad. There was evidence, in hasty script, that things were getting better. Even if set backs came, which were inevitable, the sense of movement felt hopeful. 

At times in my marriage I have resorted to the Write to Remember method. Once I kept track of good conversations. Then I was able to enjoy them more than once, like a photograph. It transformed a fleeting experience into a visible one. Another time I scribed an ongoing list of places we have gone together... restaurants, movies, plays. When the gloomy belief that "we never do anything" descends, I have a defense plan. 

If you put one drop of soap on a layer of greasy water the effect is immediate. The floating grease disperses. If you place a flowering pussy willow in a vase it can beautify an uninteresting table. 

One positive memory can do that to a whole day of mundaneness. 


Love, 
Lori

Caring for Marriage