"Do you like entering data on the computer?" I asked.

"Not really."

"How about working on the website?"

"No thanks."

"Want to get raffle prizes for the conference?" I was feeling discouraged.

"Uh uh," he shook his head.

"What do you like?" I inquired. 

"I like working at events, with people." His face brightened. 

"How about the set up and clean up to create an event?" 

"No, the part with people is fun."

I thought of a time years ago when John was the pastor of a small congregation. Some days he would fix the toilet, shop for light bulbs, vacuum the church, photocopy the music and wheel the trash to the corner. He was the sole employee and there was no one else to do those chores, so he did them. I wondered if this was what he had in mind fifteen years before when he was plowing through Greek and sermon writing as a third year theological student. I think not.

When people imagine what marriage will be like, perhaps images of slathering butter on warm bread by the fire and laughing over the antics of their precocious toddler come to mind. Those things have absolutely been part of my experience of marriage, but not to the extent I anticipated. They are diluted by a large portion of grimy socks and lugging groceries through the snow. This morning I have started laundry and folded the clean batch, emptied and filled the dishwasher, packed lunches and served cereal, and written a few checks to pop in the mail.  I did take a break to sew covers for my chickens' nesting boxes, as the plastic was just not doing it for them. 

Nothing remotely romantic transpired between John and I , though we did confer about the weekend's complicated schedule of picking up our daughter from the airport, moving another daughter home from Rittenhouse Square, performing a marionette service, doing readings in an evening vesper service, and his rescheduled barbershop show. Never mind the party we were invited to up the street. There is no way it will all fit, so we parted in a stalemate. 

I do know that marriage does not work if you cherry pick the fun parts. But to tell you the truth, I suspect it would be boring if we could.