My twins have systems in place. Aurelle brings down the clothes to be ironed each morning and packs lunches while Hope catches a few more winks. Hope stays up at night to get homework safely into their backpacks and lays out the outfits. That is an established routine, and when other situations come up like Saturday chores they negotiate those as well.
"You empty the dishwasher and clean the bathroom, and I will vacuum and put away laundry, Ok?"
Even chicken duties are clear. Aurelle keeps their water fresh and Hope refills the pellets.
John and I have a few agreements like that. He puts Ben to bed, I get him out the door. I say prayers with the girls and he gets them to school. It helps sustain a feeling of equanimity.
There are times though when I feel grumbly about what he is not doing. He has a tendency to leave cupboards open. I have composed a litany of snarky remarks around the gaping doors but it does little to change his behavior. One day I decided to shift how I look at it. He opens the cupboards, and I close them. Not a big deal.
Sometimes I feel self congratulatory that I pay all the bills. But then I remember that although I am indeed scribing the checks and stuffing the envelopes, it is actually his effort that fills the bank account. He earns the money, I spend it.
It has become something of a game. How can I reframe what he is not accomplishing in balance with what he is?
The embarrassing thing is, I don't think he needs a game at all.
