Perhaps we compare ourselves to others, just to get our bearings. There were two couples who used to take walks by my house regularly. It was back when I had twins in my lap and the idea of strolling felt impossible. I judged myself harshly.

"They walk together. They are a strong couple. I am not doing the right things."

Ten years later both of those marriages have crumbled. I guess my assumptions were wrong. 

A friend told me a story about when she was helping her boyfriend move. His grandparents were packing boxes too. She was carefully carrying a coffeepot when she slipped and the glass pot went flying. It crashed on the floor and she looked up at her boyfriend. They both burst out laughing. 

"You guys are going to make it," his grandmother smiled. At the time they were not yet engaged, but my friend tucked the memory away for safe keeping. 

That simple affirmation has been a touchstone for my friend, an assurance that someone believes they will succeed. She made a promise to herself to offer validation to other couples when she can. 

It seems random, the comments tossed haphazardly that stick in our self image like Gorilla Glue. In fifth grade I came in second in a school wide spelling bee. I lost on the word squirrel, which I have since mastered. But the impression that has endured is that I am a good speller. Countless mistakes since then have not obliterated that belief. 

The other day a friend came by to pick up fabric, and I was not home. My daughters were, and showed her the sewing room. 

"Are you sure I can take this?" she asked. 

"Our mom is pretty generous, so yes."

The friend told me later and the words became etched on my self image. My girls think I am generous. Generous. Me. How about that. 

It costs nothing to sprinkle positive regard like powdered sugar on the people slipping around us. There are no calories, or cavities either to spoil the magic.