There is a delightful
article in the Huffington Post about the difference between infatuation and tempered love. The author is a Hasidic Jew and knew his bride only briefly before they were engaged. But he would have assured anyone who would listen that he was definitely in love.
It is in looking back that he realizes that love is not that bubbly feeling, or the obsessive thoughts. It is not the swooning or the sentiment. Years later he found abiding love in ordinary actions... like making supper or caring for their daughter.
He calls the pervasive message in the media a huge lie. We are sold a bill of goods that does not hold up. Lovey dovey has no staying power.
In a recent marriage group we invited each person to say something they appreciate about their spouse.
"He let me sleep in, and took the girls to the park."
"She made an amazing dinner last weekend. I know it took a lot of time but it was great."
"He went fabric shopping with me and didn't complain about how much I spent either."
"He listened while I ranted about the neighbors."
As the author in the article says, love is a verb. It is apparent in what we do, and that usually requires more effort than shows up in a typical early-relationship date.
Just now I am feeling a warm surge of affection for John. There was a hawk screeching in the trees and all my hens were cowering underneath a bush. I could not coax them into the coop. I asked him to come help me, and with a gentle voice he herded them to safety.
That beats a ferris wheel in my book.
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