He was wearing a lab coat, so I have to believe him. The scientist in this
video created a test to measure happiness, and afterwards invited participants to write about someone who had influenced their life. Then he handed them a phone and asked them to call and tell them why they were grateful.
I was, I admit, in a grouchy mood when I watched, and yet it was contagiously touching. I don't know the people or their friends, but somehow it broke through my crust. As a follow up he gave them the happiness test again, and they invariably scored higher. The greatest gains were, ironically, people who walked in the door with the lowest levels of joy. Probably they had more room to go up. His conclusion is that gratitude increases happiness.
Fifteen years ago I got a letter in the mail from someone I have never gotten one from before or since. In it she expressed her gratitude to me for the way I had impacted her life. I would never have guessed I mattered more to her than the weather on any given day, and yet here was a carefully written tribute to how I had influenced her life. I cried. Although I wondered if, and still suspect, she was part of one of those spiritual growth groups that expect you to write a sappy letter to someone, I was still pleased to know. The feeling has not diminished, although my appreciation of the weather last Thursday has.
Gratitude in marriage is the magic bullet. Although I am practiced at articulating my husband's shortcomings, such a skill does nothing to elevate our commitment or our affection. But I am slow to remember.
