In marriage group this week we talked about genograms. That is a visual chart depicting your descendants and all the connections that tether you into a family. Relationships are not easily rendered in two dimensions so it is a challenge. But it is a catalyst for conversations.
One man mentioned that after a healthy meal of four kinds of canned vegetables, his grandmother would sneak him a bowl of ice cream. My own mother insisted on keeping a stash of chocolate raisins, for luring the twins into her apartment for a visit. I recall reprimanding her for the extra sugar, but it worked better than carrots for attracting three year olds. Just this week the girls mentioned those raisins. The sugar has left their system, but the sweet memories linger.
In a genogram you add details about divorce, addiction, death, and special affections. I have found it to be helpful in untangling history. Sharing those stories with John and hearing his has been another way to fertilize compassion.
Extended family has a far reaching impact in marriage, whether or not we want it to. It is prudent to pay attention to patterns so that we can harness them rather than the other way around.
