Rewards are something I use. When the house needs attention I offer yummy things to anyone who will take on a corner and spiff it up. When the chickens scuttle into their coop after a run in the yard I give them watermelon rinds and carrot shavings. Heck even my paycheck is a reward for showing up as a sub in the school.
There are other benefits as well. When Benjamin does his own laundry or makes macaroni he feels capable. This is not a reward that I tack on, like a blue ribbon at the county fair. It is the result of his own actions and it sticks better than a bent safety pin. It is not something I give him, nor can I take it away.
Some folks conjure heaven to be a reward for suffering while on earth. The more you suffer the softer the cloud. But I believe heaven to be the natural consequence of angelic behavior, not an arbitrary prize.
When marriage feels like a place of struggle, peace can be an elusive carrot in the distant future.
"If I trudge through this stale relationship now, out of dogged duty, God will grant me the adoring partner I deserve as a reward."
But maybe contentment in marriage is less of a trophy and more of a natural consequence for transforming our expectations. In a relationship where we are seeking our own happiness, disappointment is as inevitable as dusk. But when our attention has been fixed on serving others, the dawn keeps peeking over the horizon.
