Early in my marriage I went to a La Leche League meeting. I had been invited by a friend, and while I had but a dim idea of what I was saying yes to, I was open to new information. John and I had recently moved to Florida, and the collection of our friends could fit in a mini van. Make that a convertible. I went partly to meet people.

Mothers more experienced than me talked about nursing and ways to comfort a newborn. They elaborated about colostrum, and night time parenting . It was still theoretical, since my baby was unborn, but I listened as a kind of mental exercise. I hadn't the slightest idea that what I was learning would change the trajectory of my, gulp, forty year career of parenting. Pulling out their words, and the advice of the authors whose books I devoured, became my lifeline at midnight when a I could no longer think, or facing the complexities of tandem nursing.

Learning strategies about motherhood before I actually faced them probably helped me avert  a litany of mistakes. Not that I avoided them entirely, but having the best practices in place served me well.

It seems unlikely that I will hunt down that first leader and thank her for the welcome that created parameters for my nine children's early years. I think her name was Karen. But I suspect she knows she made an impact on babies she would never kiss, and that will suffice.

John and I sometimes invite singles and young couples to participate in a marriage event. A conference, mentoring, or an ongoing group may appeal to them, but then again they might pass. I cannot fault them for feeling too busy. And the needs may not seem pressing yet. Yet I keep asking.

Having a slight adjustment in the trajectory early in the game can have a sizable effect. And hopefully their marriage will last even longer than forty years.