When I have made someone angry, my stance is often to articulate my unimpeachable intentions, rather than to fully understand the impact of my actions. Basically, the world revolves around me. If I am late for an appointment the running commentary in my head is a remake of causes that legitimize my failings. 

 

"Pay my way? On a minister's salary?"

 

The author invites us to shift the attention from why our mistakes are excusable to feeling empathy for the person who was impacted by our actions. 

 

Not "I am sorry I did not make the deadline. Life has been crazy busy with two graduations and a family wedding this month."

 

Rather "I understand that not meeting your deadline impacted the whole team, and caused extra work for you. That was frustrating for all of you." 

 

Count the pronouns. The first option keeps the focus on me. The second makes the other person the priority. 

 

My mind is already brimming with possibilities. I think I will explore ways to make John mad, just so I can practice. 

 

 

 

Photo by Jenny Stein

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