Loneliness is considered the cruelest possible punishment. The experiments that were made in the 50's where monkeys were isolated in a steel trap would be untenable today. The article I read about the physical ramifications of loneliness was not a quick read, or a happy one. 

 

'We must love one another or die." says W. H. Auden.

 

The irony is that loneliness is not always visible from external indicators. Some people feel isolated within a crowd, while others feel connected in solitude. 

 

What has staying power for me in this conversation is the premise that human contact is a universal need, up there with water, food and air. Even when John's or my actions suggest that we want to be miles apart, it is a decoy for the truth that separation is unbearable.

 

"He tries to drive you away with his sarcasm, so that if you stay, he knows you really care." Not particularly logical, or even effective. But it is human. Most of us have seen toddlers whose flailing arms and legs look like a decisive message to GO AWAY. Yet the veneer is thin. Really they are desperately hoping for you to scoop them in your arms and squeeze out the fear of rejection.

 

I love someone who has been without work for a year. Yet rather than call and ask for support he kept silent. Embarrassment threw up a wall against the very thing that could have helped. Connection. 

 

People are funny. We hunger for food and eat junk. We want relationships and buy stuff. We crave love and spew anger. Sometimes it takes a tragedy like a hurricane, or cancer, or car wreck to remember that all we want is each other.  

 

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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