Marriage Moats-CPR

Published: Sun, 05/12/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

My boss cares about safety. Often there are emails that go out to everybody about fire drills, and updated locks. The school provides funding for people to get training in CPR or emergency procedures. I did it a few years ago. We practiced mouth to mouth with a dummy, and learned the sequence of push, push, breathe. While I hope I never need to use the information, I respect that they have it in place. Knowledge can save lives. It seems that a regular Joe can be the hero, with little more than a few hours of training and the good will to try.

This week a friend contacted me in a tizzy. Her neighbor is feeling trapped in her marriage, and is thinking of walking. We went back and forth about how she might be a positive influence for staying. Then today she emailed again to say another friend is inching toward the door.

"Should I invite them to be in a group, like the one we did with you a few years ago?" She and her husband found the time to cram in a two month marriage group with us when their relationship was getting stale.

I actually started to dance. Well, I wiggled. But if I had been a dancer I would have done a rousing polka. I felt a surge of gratitude that she was willing to act. Too often people watch marriages gasping for breath and their feet stay anchored to the floor. Hand wringing and head shaking are the extend of the intervention. But hand wringing never saved anyone from choking on a chunk of carrot, or gave them enough air to last until the paramedics arrived. Marriages are not resuscitated by sympathetic, but paralyzed, spectators.

This woman is willing to offer the repetitive thump of Appreciations, and the fresh air of Brag Time. CPR can keep a body alive on borrowed air for a few minutes, until the unconscious person's strength kicks back in.

Marriage groups can sustain a couple until their own love revives.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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