Marriage Moats-Risky

Published: Sun, 05/05/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

A gymnastics team brought the audience to their feet on Britain's Got Talent. A dozen times performers risked their bones hurling through the air, believing that they would be caught in the arms of their mates. At one point the tower of athletes reached twenty feet high, and in another they spun a girl like a human jump rope. It was hard not to gasp in fear of what could happen with a single misstep or wrong timing. The floor would be unforgiving.

It was a dramatic picture of what it looks like to rely on others.

Marriage is an epic test of faith. We make ourselves supremely vulnerable in the hands of another person, hoping they will catch us, keep their balance, stay focused. Unfortunately, people do drop each other. Adultery and addiction cause as much damage as any hardwood stage. Yet the thrill of watching teenagers with six packs is compelling because we are wired to crave trust, and seeing it in the microcosm of a two minute routine touches that sweet spot.

John has been there to catch me. When I was in free fall seeing my mother spiral into another manic phase he held me in his arms. There is still a warm print. When Benjamin had a febrile seizure John drove calmly to the hospital, but without a siren could not keep up with the ambulance. He went to the closest hospital, yet there was no baby in the ER. Against privacy rules John convinced the attendant to call around to find out where Ben had been taken. He got back in his car and drove safely there. When my father took his last gasp in a Tucson clinic John put me on a plane to go to the funeral, while he held our children in his embrace.

While the worrier in me can be preoccupied with the danger around the edges of this performance, it is also clear that the gymnasts are having more fun that I am sitting on the couch. Flying through life with John has been scary, and wind whipped. But it has also been a terrific ride.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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