Marriage Moats-Taking Sides

Published: Sat, 05/04/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Once I was chatting with a friend about the aftermath of her daughter's divorce. When the split happened the daughter expected her mother to cut off all ties with her ex. But there was a relationship there, built over years and crowned with grandchildren. Despite the pressure my friend was reluctant to estrange herself from the father of these precious children. The resentment had polluted relationships with her own flesh and blood.

I ached for the impasse. It was a circumstance I have not really experienced, though I have read about it. I have listened to the turmoil of children of divorce who are torn between parents who claim allegiance like a snare. To love Mom is to betray Dad. To miss Dad is to turn your back on Mom. Loyalty comes at great expense, and the triad that once stood as Mother Father Child topples under the duress.

The expectation is based on a false assumption. Love is a limited commodity. If you give some away there will be less for me.

There are grounds for the argument. Time is after all metered out into chunks that cannot be regained. But love is not subject to the same rules. Shakespeare said it this way.

Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks but bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

you can support us at