Although this article is about talking to babies, it makes some fascinating points. The researchers showed that simply speaking to your baby is perhaps one of the most significant deal breakers between children who thrive and those who sink in the system. Children with working class parents heard twice as many words as those on welfare and kids of professional parents heard double that. By age three that is a disparty of 30 million words. 

 

I saw it in action once. I was riding a bus without any of my children, and had time to people watch. A woman who looked exhausted climbed on with a baby and toddler. I thought of the many times I had hauled a backpack of toys, books, snacks, diapers and wipes with me when I traveled with my kids. But all she had was a bottle. I tried not to stare but I could not help but notice what was entirely outside my experience. For the forty five minutes they were on the bus, none of them spoke or looked at each other. How was this possible? My little ones had demanded a stream of attention. But for the first time it occurred to me that babies can learn that the well of attention is dry. I tried a few times to make eye contact with the toddler, and smile at him, but he was shut down. I wanted to cry. 

 

Although the findings are dismal, the response is not. In a study called Providence Talks families were recorded for 16 hours, once a week, and the tapes were assessed for the number of words. In ten weeks, without any coaching at all, families increased their conversation by 55%. Simply being aware of the value of talking to their children in ways that are not punitive, parents self corrected. Impressive results in a short time. 

 

What would happen if we wired couples for a Saturday each month? Quantify the interchange, and chart the findings. Is it possible that couples could ramp up their own sweet talk, and tamp down the nagging? I know I behave a notch better when there are witnesses. Maybe I don't need to wait for a government funded project. I can just turn on my own IPhone.

 

 

 

 

Photo by Jenny Stein

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